James MacDonald says, “I’ve lived long enough to know men and women whose lives were sold out to God a few years ago, but who’ve since walked off the track… gone AWOL… lost their longing for God.” … and I am ashamed to say that I shared this same ‘loss of longing.’
The path to follow God is not easy. We are called to reject certain ‘bad habits’, and we are more conscious of our tendency to do wrong. We are called to become more alert, to examine ourselves, to face our weaknesses, face temptations, face our shortcomings, face our fears, face our past, and face other things we’d rather choose to avoid. We go through a process of self discovery and healing which calls for a lot of introspection, retrospection, reflection, prayer, and meditation.
I’m at that ‘facing things we’d rather not face’ stage. I am a master avoider in avoiding pain. When something harsh happens to me, I like to bury myself in the illusion that whatever hurt it causesd never existed and I have skillfully managed to sometimes fool myself into thinking that avoidance is another word for being carefree.
… And when I chose to deepen my relationship with God, when I chose to follow this path, it brings me back to that place where I have to face this “carefree” lie. I am struggling in my faith to keep on track.
But Today’s Readings (Is 49:8-10) says:
Thus says the Lord: In a time of favor I answer you, on the day of salvation I help you; and I have kept you and given you as a covenant to the people, to restore the land and allot the desolate heritages, saying to the prisoners: Come out! To those in darkness: Show yourselves! Along the ways they shall find pasture, on every bare height shall their pastures be. They shall not hunger or thirst, nor shall the scorching wind or the sun strike them; For he who pities them leads them and guides them beside springs of water.
My faithfulness in my walk with the Lord depends on my willingness to stay in a relationship with Him. … It isn’t easy, but I’m still here. … and He has been leading me beside springs of water. I’m still here.