There’s a healing mass today, but I told myself, I’ll take this day to fully recover from my sickness and from my trip. Being sick in bed since Saturday and being away from work has given me enough time to rest and recover. The chaos that was in my thoughts from my trip to the Philippines has died down and is being cleared up, and I’m slowly finding peace again. Thank goodness! And I’m glad to have these moments for rest, because it has also given me the opportunity to write and reflect.
I miss those days when I was just new to BLD, when everybody I met taught me something new about Christ and about my faith — every meeting was a growth opportunity, every encounter was a faith experience, and every person I talked to was a teacher. I’ve attended almost every single teaching, and tried my hardest to persevere in serving whenever there was a mission or when it was my duty to serve, like during the Singles Encounter Weekend. Mostly I’ve been experiencing His many graces and gifts, through a very spiritual and emotional way … I am happy because I have found a relationship with Christ that is being nurtured spiritually, and It’s great! I feel most alive when I’m learning about Him, reading about Him, serving Him during mass and assisting in Sunday school, and revisiting my reflections, looking up to Him … But I also know what I am lacking. I lack growth in knowledge. Though there have been teachings I’ve attended … what about the hard stuff? What about the doctrines? The theological backgrounds, debates, and arguments? The history? I want to know more about Christ, but in a different way, too! I almost imagine a classroom setting where students are being taught philosophy, theology, and reading the bible in different languages (ok Helen, not that far). …
A while back, I bought a book I never read. And because it was so difficult to understand and also because it was recommended by Annie my atheist friend, whose atheism in her words does not preclude a reverence for the Divine, I first lent it to Fr. Don to read. The book is called, “A History of God” by Karen Armstrong. It was too intellectual for me. I fell asleep reading the first two pages when I first bought it, but I wanted to understand it. Apparently, Fr. Don couldn’t put the book down, as he said he continues to take down notes and revisit theology, philosophy, and history books while he reads it. Just goes to show how much I am lacking in those areas. Go figure.
It’s a thirst for knowledge, I guess. I feel like I’m missing out on something very important and vital, and I don’t like being left out like that feeling a bit naive. I also would like to be able to defend my faith, if the challenge arises, to gain an ally and help evangelize maybe. Mostly, to be able to talk more about my faith with Annie without feeling personally attacked and defenseless. The cool thing is, she’s taking steps towards that same goal as well, reading books on faith that give her reasons to not doubt the existence of the Divine. That’s why I love attending teachings and listening to priests like Fr. Solis talk, who give me deep and intelligent perspectives of looking within or listening to videos of religious people giving us a piece of their minds, like this one, who are so deep rooted in theology, history, Scripture and doctrine:
I always learn something new, and my mind is fueled.
Fr. Claude Burns in my preview post says in his video, “The teacher will teach, if the student is ready to listen.”
Am I ready? … Hmmm … I’m thirsty, but ready? I just hope that when a teacher does appear, I will be.
If today you hear His voice, harden not your hearts. – Psalm 95:8
P.S. Just a little extra something I found browsing the internet, fun fact for that thirst for knowledge :