It’s been a month or more that I’ve been having inconsistencies in my prayer life. I spent my Saturday, again, just lying down curled up under my covers in my bedroom, going on facebook every now and then, only getting up for meals or the bathroom, streaming videos, and sleeping. Disappointingly unproductive on my part, but I needed the rest. As of lately, I feel as if I’m tired and drained everyday. Energy levels are low, I’m getting sick more often, and I’m losing sight of God. I am aware that I didn’t get here by accident, and I have to face facts that the everyday choices that I had made for myself in the past month or so has turned into a bad habit that has brought me to where I am now.
My day used to be divided up well:
7am-9am | Everyday commute to work (bus or taxi plus a train).
I wake up on a work day and the first thing I check on my phone was the Word of God. I’d get ready and on the way to the train station, I’d read my daily devotional ‘Jesus Calling’ by Sarah Young. In the Fanling – Central train ride, I would write my own prayers down, some of my own reflections, and simply thank the Lord for the day ahead. If I had time, I would stop by Catholic Center to kneel in silence and just enjoy His Presence. … Sometimes, I’d even be early enough to hear mass.
9am-1pm | Work.
I’d usually whisper His Mighty name from time to time when I encountered a challenge or something wonderful came up. ‘Jesus, help me’, ‘Jesus, save me’, or ‘Thank You Jesus’.
1pm-2pm | Lunch Break.
If I have time, I would go to Catholic Center for confession. I would either do that or visit ate Yeng at her office and have a productive chit chat.
2pm-6:30pm | Work again.
6:30pm-8:30pm | Everyday commute back home.
I would have praise songs stuck in my ear, and on the train, write some reflections again. If not, I would have lovely fruitful & spirit-filled conversations with ate Yeng or other very spiritually guided individuals.
Now, nothing. … Just writing all of this now is depressing. I don’t do any of these things anymore.
O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. – Psalm 42:2
I try to write, but nothing comes out. I try to reflect, but I can’t think straight. I try to stay still, but I can’t even quiet down the clutter of my own thoughts. I’ve prioritized God less, and other people more. I don’t like where I am at the moment. Something needs to change.
So from today on, I’m going to Give Myself The Gift Of Limits (Click the link. It’s a wonderful article by Bo Sanchez). 1When you give yourself the Gift of Limits, you end up giving the world a bigger Gift of Love. If you don’t build your boundaries, then you won’t help anyone—including yourself.
I need to take responsibility for my actions and make better choices for myself and my life. Make God the center of my life again. I’ll make the choice to do better, and to be better. If I don’t make that choice, no one else will make that choice for me. I don’t know about other people, but I believe that though we ask God for His pity, self-pity ain’t pretty. I’m going to love myself a little more and give myself a little more self-value, because it’s not only good for me, it’s good for the people around me whom I also love.
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” – Mark 12:30-31