Sink To Swim

This short film has always moved me. It is Julie Gautier’s artistic piece of the world champion freediver Guillaume Nery base jumping underwater into Dean’s Blue Hole — the world’s largest underwater sinkhole. It has captivated me especially because I can very much relate it to emotions I associate with my faith and submitting myself to the Lord.

Have you ever tried walking underwater? Not in a pool, but at a beach or something? No? Hmmmm… Well… Okaaay. When you are walking underwater and you open your eyes, you only see a few meters in front of you. Like Guillaume walking slowly underwater, you see nothing else but the first few steps before you. Everything else is murky; dark and unclear. It’s quite scary. You’ll also find that it is difficult to move underwater, as you feel like forces are moving against you and not with you, but you still push forward, unknowingly.

Isn’t this how we find our position in life sometimes as well? I’ve felt this many times and I know it all too well. It’s when we are tried and tested in life and all forces are working against us. It’s when we complain the most. When we allow our problems to slow us down and blur our vision. Direction? None really. We are only able to see the first few steps to move forward. And is ‘forward’ really the direction we are moving? Who knows? Everything is so confusing, difficult and unclear. The end result: unknown. Then, at some point, we find ourselves unable to move forward anymore. We find ourselves incapable. We feel like we’ve reached the end. … or in this case, in our case, for us who believe that Jesus Christ is our Saviour and Lord, we reach an edge. On this edge we are faced with a decision which requires a tremendous amount of courage — a giant leap of faith into the unknown. We are asked to surrender.

2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV says: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

I can recall one vivid memory when I fully surrendered myself and all my problems to the Lord. It was on the evening of September 11, 2010 to be exact, during Single’s Encounter Weekend. The feeling was exhilarating. I believe everyone during that weekend felt the same.

After I surrendered, I sank. Everything that I knew of — my human understanding of my situation, difficulties, and plans — I let go of. I submitted to the Lord, all my worries, doubts, and fears, and they all sank until there was nothing left but the Lord. I was… During that weekend, we were all, then, renewed by the Holy Spirit and we felt His divine presence working actively in our lives. We became stronger by God’s grace. Our worries were replaced with reassurance, our doubts, trust, and our fears were replaced with a stronger faith in the Lord.



My New Year Something

I had discerned the decision to start this blog 2 months ago because I had to make sure that this blog is not just a fun project based on impulsive feelings. I had to know whether me doing this blog was also a part of His will and a part of my calling. I found out after my decision discernment… It is.

It is now Day 1, and I am already afraid.

Keith Reinhard says, “Fear is paralyzing beyond reason.”

Fear of my inadequacy, fear of opening my heart, fear of judgement and criticism, fear of failure, an even bigger fear of public failure, and a fear of being alone, fear of losing friends.

A dear old friend of mine is an atheist, and as a firm disbeliever in God, she has her own blog too, only it is against the Bible and its teachings. Today, she first voiced out quite passionately that she is “bothered by me going to church” and she believes that “the world would be a better place to live in if people stopped supporting and stopped going to church.” Oh boy. She has very strong opinions about religion, and as her friend, I can respect that. I still love her. And because of that, I was hurt. As a believer in God and because I have strongly felt His presence in my life and I love Him, I was deeply offended. I understand that to her, Jesus is a stranger not our Saviour, but I wished she had shown some respect for our friendship with a little more tact. She didn’t.

This added more to my fear… And I am ashamed to say that today, it even shook me enough to think about not starting this.

But John Ortberg writes: “The choice to follow Jesus — the choice to grow — is the choice for the constant recurrence of fear.” Reasurring, isn’t it? Comforting even. “The fear will never go away. Why? Because each time I want to grow, it will involve going into new territory, taking on new challenges.” Susan Jeffers backs this up by saying, “The fear will never go away, as long as I continue to grow.”

I choose to open up my heart for this experience. I choose to grow. I am already a small person, exactly 5 feet flaaaaat in height. I don’t want to be small in spirit as well. I don’t even know how I shall start, and I don’t know how I will grow. But I do “trust the Lord with all my heart” (Proverbs 3:5) and even if I don’t know where this will take me, I still choose start. As Max Lucado writes, “Just do something, and see what happens.” This is just my something.